Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
