ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
