I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
