i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
