I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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