i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
