is your mom at the bar?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
