can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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