Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Two words: blizzard sex
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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