I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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