yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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