And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
