I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
