Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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