Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
