I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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