i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
