Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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