.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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