How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
