Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
