you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
