Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
