Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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