I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
