and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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