Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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