Your tits are I can't wait for
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
