I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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