who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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