Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That accounts for only three of the penises
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
