i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
