Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
