Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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