i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
