Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
