Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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