I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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