i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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