i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
