We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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