Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
