I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
