I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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