i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
