Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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