The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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