There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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