we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
