i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
