You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
