If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
